Spring Cleaning

So you’ve heard of spring cleaning your house? I’m spring cleaning my body.
I have smoked off and on since I was 14 years old. Not something I’m proud of but it’s the truth. (PS if you need to know, I’m 38. Do the math.) And while I’m telling the truth I should mention it’s been more on than off.
A while back I quit for about two years until I became involved in the theater. I don’t blame the theater. The theater did not shove a cigarette into my mouth and light it. However, I was the newbie amongst what seemed like old friends. A lot of them smoked so it seemed like the best way to get to know them if I followed them out and hung out on the smoke breaks. Whatever I have to say to justify it to myself right?
Okay, so it became a habitual thing. You know how some people smoke when they drink? I smoked when I was at the theater. If my car was even pointed within two miles of the theater I was craving a cig. At home I was okay…for awhile.
After a while it started to bleed into my home life. After three years of theater it was time to admit I was a full fledged smoker again.
To add to this, I have been completely lax on my diet for quite some time now. The result of that was me gaining back about 20 pounds. To add insult to injury I haven’t exercised properly since the half marathon in December.
To sum up: I’m a mess.
Cut to last week.
I’m in rehearsals for a new play and I have my first ever solo number. This is kind of a big deal for me so I’ve been practicing the song diligently in my car along with the CD. You know, in the car where I’m sitting down and not moving much at all.
Last week we had to work the choreography for the song. I don’t dance so much as just walk around and emote but HOLY CRAP! To hit the notes I need to hit and hold them? I was winded and seriously didn’t think I could do it! It was kind of a wake up call. I’ve gained so much weight I only have two pairs of jeans that fit me comfortably. I smoke on a daily basis and I don’t work out at all unless you count raising a fork to my mouth.
So this past Monday started a change.
I rejoined weight watchers and started following it diligently. I started jogging again and I quit smoking.
Today is day four without a smoke.
Last night I ran through my solo in front of my castmates with only he piano for music and no back up singers. I was PETRIFIED. After the number the director called for a break and I had all this nervous energy with no where to go. I wanted to smoke so badly. Not sure I’ve ever wanted one so bad in my life. I didn’t smoke. I walked around the stage and talked myself out of it. I figure if I can get through that, I’m good.
Since Monday I have lost three pounds and haven’t had a cigarette. More than that, I FEEL GOOD. My lung capacity feels normal for the first time in a while and I actually looked forward to my jog today.
It’s going to be a long journey but I feel comfortable where I am at this moment and I’m putting this out there for accountability right now.
Other than being tired from work/rehearsal/exercise, I think I’m in a pretty good place and I’ve had a smile on my face most of the day.