It’s Just Hair, Right???

I’m almost a week into my second round of chemo.

By last week’s standards, I’ve done remarkably well. I only had to take an anti nausea pill once. I haven’t had the headache from hell and the diarrhea has been at a minimum (this makes me wonder if the anti nausea meds were causing those…).

Having said that, I noticed a couple of days ago that my hair was shedding more. In the brush, in the shower… not huge amounts, but a marked increase.

This morning after my workout I brushed my hair and noticed an even bigger amount. I just kind of brushed it off (ha!) and got in the shower.

After I shampooed and conditioned I noticed it coming out in small handfuls. Not chunks, but large enough amounts that it made me panic. I stood there for several minutes bawling.

For some reason, I had convinced myself that I would somehow be okay with losing my hair to chemo. I bragged about how I was going to go full Samantha from Sex and The City and wear a different, fun wig every day. That I would embrace it because my hair was pretty crummy anyway right?

I’m not okay with it. Not even a little bit.

When I got out of the shower I brushed my hair and most of the brush got filled.

I cried some more.

Finally I texted my sister in law and she talked me down but I made a decision. I wasn’t ready to shave it yet, but I couldn’t keep watching the length disappear. I needed to do a chop.

Long story short, Rob, sis in law, the two nephews and I hit the Supercuts in Salinas and I am now the proud owner of a bob.

My hair hasn’t been this short in over two decades, but I don’t hate it.

Is it still falling out? Of course, a hair cut can’t fix that, but I feel better about it.

It falling out on a shorter scale somehow feels less scary than the long strands getting wrapped around my fingers.

I will shave it when it gets patchy, or too thin to clip a topper into, but for now I feel less panicky about it.

I hate cancer.

ETA: Supercuts apparently has a great policy where they don’t charge to cut the hair of chemo patients. I thought that was really nice and made sure that we tipped very well.

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My Chemo Wishlist