Time for an Update

I really wanted to be better about logging my symptoms and feelings during this journey. But honestly? When you feel crummy, the absolute last thing you want to do is write about it.

Today, however, is a good day. We’ll get into the why in a moment, but first, let’s talk meds.

I was prescribed two different anti-nausea medications: Zofran and Compazine. Because they pumped me full of Zofran during my first day of chemo, I wasn’t allowed to touch it again for three days. During that waiting period, Compazine was my only option.

I actually have two different dosages of Zofran. I had 4 mg pills left over from my hospital visits, but the chemo care center gave me 8 mg pills. Until today, I’d only been taking the 4 mg doses because I wanted to use them up. The problem was, they weren’t even touching the nausea, so I was constantly supplementing with Compazine just to get by.

This morning, I changed tactics. I woke up at 5:00 AM and took the 8 mg Zofran right out of the gate. *Knocks on wood* So far, it’s working beautifully. For the first time since Wednesday, the nausea is finally under control, and I haven’t had to touch the Compazine all day. I am absolutely thrilled.

Of course, it’s always something. On Friday, I started dealing with loose stools, which has officially graduated into full-blown runs today. It’s definitely not my favorite thing in the world, but if I’m being completely honest, as long as I’m not leaving the house, I can handle this much better than the nausea.

The cancer center gave me Imodium, but I’ve only taken one dose back on Friday when I had to be somewhere. My mother always drilled it into my head that if your body is trying to get rid of something, it’s for a reason. In my mind, if my body is currently dumping dead cancer cells (I have no idea if that’s scientifically accurate, but let’s go with it), I’d rather they exit the building than hang around. But don’t worry, if it gets too bad, I promise I’ll take another dose.

My other major shadow has been a pretty constant headache. Now that I’m sitting here thinking about it, though… I’m wondering if it might just be dehydration.

On the bright side, I managed to do some minimal workouts on Friday and Saturday. I got through 45 minutes of cardio on Friday and about 30 minutes yesterday. It wasn’t my usual performance, but I was moving my body, so I’m chalking that up as a win. I could probably manage a little something today, too, but given my current need to be within sprinting distance of a toilet, I’m going to play it by ear.

Next week is my “rest” week for the chemo, and I am holding onto the hope that I’ll start feeling a bit more like myself.

I have to admit, I hit a really dark, depressed wall last night. It hit me that in just a week, I have to turn around and do this all over again. Those heavy, terrifying thoughts crept in: I don’t know if I can do this again… It’s especially daunting knowing they say chemo gets progressively worse with each cycle.

This whole process is so incredibly exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. To feel this drained when I’m only just starting makes looking down the road at the long haul feel completely overwhelming. I know I shouldn’t let my mind wander down that path this early in the game.

But damn, it is so hard not to.