Update on my crazies. :-)

So a little progress report on my weaning off my anti depressants:

I’m down to 20 mg of celexa from 40 mg.  I started down by 30 for a few weeks and just started on 20 mgs the end of last week.

There hasn’t been an overwhelming amount of withdrawals yet and I can only imagine that is because I’m still taking a significant amount of the drug.  I will admit to being more emotional lately for no apparent reason but that would happen a lot with my full dose of the meds.  When I feel the rage start to come in (that’s what it feels like, is just pure rage followed by tears because I cry when I’m frustrated) I am trying to stop and ask myself if the feeling is justified or not.  If it isn’t I try to chill out, if it is I let myself feel it and get it out.

For example, last night I couldn’t get an app on my phone link up to my twitter account.  Instead of looking up the information on how to do it properly I just kept trying the same thing over and over again knowing full well it wasn’t working until I wanted to huck the damn phone across the room and then chase after it and stomp it to death.

Instead I asked myself if it was really that big of a deal to get the app to work at 8:30 at night when I didn’t even know when I would use it again?  No, probably not.  So I put the phone aside for a half an hour and when I came back to it I realized exactly what I had to do and fixed it in a few minutes.

On the other side of the coin there was this morning.  I left my house at my usual time only to find four white construction trucks blocking the one lane, dead end street that I live on.  The drivers were all standing outside their trucks and they all just stared at me, I swear for a full minute, not knowing what to do.  Are you kidding me??  I pointed in the direction behind them and they slowly started moving.  One got into a truck and moved it a millimeter before getting out and seeing if the additional room he gave me in the one foot space I had to get my car through helped any.  Then another one got in another truck and did the same thing.  This went on for at least ten minutes before one of my neighbors came out and actually had to start directing them and then me through the tiny space that they were able to free up, literally just leaving an inch on either side to get my car through.  All of this insanity made me late for work.

In this instance, I did think my anger and the tears that followed were worth it, so I let myself cry on the way to work.  I let it out and then I was fine.

Basically I’m feeling a little less than good, but it seems manageable.  I’m going to stay at 20 mg for a while just to let my body get used to it and then I will cut it to 10 and finally wean off altogether.  I’m looking forward to no longer being dependent on a pill to determine my mood…I just hope it works.