Everything Happens For A Reason.
Everything happens for a reason. It’s an old saying and it’s a bit cliche, but I have found it to be very true.
I have recently had someone remove themself from my life quite suddenly, and in the most passive aggressive way possible…defriending me from Facebook. It sounds silly, this happens all the time. However, this person was like family to me. Perhaps closer. I wasn’t the only one she defriended, and my friends told me that should make me feel better, but it didn’t. It made me feel worse, in fact.
For a very long time I couldn’t talk about it. I went through all the stages of grief that you tend to go through, though not in the usual order. Disbelief was first, but anger was a very close second. It was a white hot anger and it hit me hard and fast. I immediately blocked her from my Facebook account. This was not the first time she had tried to end our friendship but it was damn sure going to be the last.
I couldn’t talk about it for weeks without tearing up. My friends that had also been defriended tried to engage me in conversation and I just smiled and shrugged and said: “I’m not ready to talk about that.” or “It is what it is.”
The kicker is that I knew why she did it. That is not my story to share, but I know why she did. We all knew. And when it was pointed out to me by a friend who was trying to be helpful I snapped: “I know that. I’m aware, but Fuck Her for thinking that our friendship meant so little that she could throw it away over something so stupid.” Like I haven’t ALWAYS been there for her and NOT judged her.
The truth is that every time I tried to engage her in the weeks prior either backed out at the last minute or flat our said no to my invitation with a flimsy excuse.
So that happened.
Anyhoo, as it turns out that old cliche is pretty accurate.
As time has worn on, I have been seeing a lot of things with clearer eyes. Enlightened eyes, if you will. I found out a lot of things that I had suspected in the back of my mind. Times she had thrown me under the bus at work. Smack that she talked about me behind my back. Not to mention the flat out lies that she has told.
All of these things made me take a deeper look at the friendship I thought we had. And even looking back out our Facebook interactions I see the negativity. The little digs she would take at me in the “joking banter” that we had. Her little comments when she didn’t like my hair or my outfit. Her general negativity for most things that I used to enjoy.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that she really did think of me as a friend. However, with the abruptness that she defriended me I’m not sure if it was the closeness that I thought it had been, but she did enjoy our friendship…that I feel confident of.
My enlightened eyes have, however, afforded me a clarity that seems to keep evolving. You should never be suspicious about what your friends are saying about you and I always was with her — I later found out for good reason. I have also, with her absence, begun to embrace things that I used to love before she poisoned my outlook on them.
Recently, a mutual friend of ours called me out on a Facebook post about how I was a horrible friend. I believe she said something to the effect of the fact that if she could fathom the worst friend in the world, it would be me. I was really upset. Not because I really valued this mutual friend but because it showed that lies were being told about me. And maybe the person telling them even believes them, but as I have been told repeatedly from more that one of my actual friends, no matter what is said, my REAL friends know me and who I am and that is all that really matters in the end.
No one is out to get me. None of my friends/co-workers/family are actively seeking to destroy me like I was led to believe. In fact, they very much want me to succeed and shine. Once I figured this out, my whole outlook changed.
Things in my life are so very different right now. I am happy. I am not looking over my shoulder or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good things are happening and I am embracing them. It sounds so very hippie dippie but it’s true.
I’ve been moved to a new position at work that I love! Rob and I are the most connected we’ve been in a long time and I know for certain in my heart that my friends only want what is best for me and have nothing but happiness for me when I succeed. I can’t even put into words what a good feeling that is.
Everything DOES happen for a reason.
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