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A Weekend To Myself.
So once a summer a couple that Rob and I are friendly with through the theater throw a great big party at their house in the country. They live even further out than we do. It’s only ten miles away from our house but it feels like way more.
Rob attended last year alone because I had theater commitments. He said it was HOT! Stifling hot, with no breeze. And while he enjoyed himself there was a long period of boredom on that Saturday for him because he hadn’t been prepared for the heat. He had been prepared to take a nap in the tent but the heat proved that not to be an option. So he read. My husband doesn’t read, so you KNEW he had to be bored. That night however there was much music jamming and he was a happy guy.
I had no theater commitments this year but given his account of the heat and boredom I opted to stay home with the dogs this time. It saved us from either having to burden his parents with watching the dogs or paying money to board them at the vets. I wasn’t that into the idea of camping in 100 degree weather and then watching a bunch of people play music.
So last night we stopped at the market and got sandwiches. One or Rob so he would have a good hearty dinner that night and one for me so I wouldn’t have to cook. We came home and Rob packed everything up for his camping trip.
In doing so he made a lot of noise. Loud banging and grunting and exclamations. None of this was bad but all of a sudden Pappy jumped up on the couch and clung to my side. He could not be consoled. The nearest I can figure is he thought Rob was mad and it made him nervous. He is a very sensitive little dog. As I’ve said before, we think he was abused at the hands of a man before we adopted him. We don’t know for sure of course, but when we first got him you couldn’t move your hands too fast around him or he would crouch in fear. You also couldn’t touch his tail, ears or feet without him snapping at you. He has come a long way over the years of us loving him but last night only validated our thoughts of abuse. He was so scared that Rob was mad that he wouldn’t leave my lap, constantly licking at any part of me that he could get(he licks when he’s nervous).
Finally I made mention to Rob of what was happening and he came over and sat with us on the couch. Pappy allowed him to pet him from where he was on my lap but wouldn’t go towards him at all. Poor little guy.
Rob eventually left and the dogs then kept vigil at the door waiting for him to return for about fifteen minutes. After that they got up on the couch and looked at me accusingly as if to ask what I had done to drive their father away. Finally they settled in and we watched Glee all night. It isn’t one of Rob’s favorite shows so it was nice to know I could watch it without bothering him.
This morning the dogs woke up to their internal alarm clocks as they always do at five thirty AM. Normally Rob gets up and feeds them and takes them out but with him not here I realized I had to haul my lazy ass out of bed. I took them out and then fed them and put myself back to bed. The dogs wrestled next to me for a while and I realized that I wouldn’t be able to sleep for a bit until they settled down so I read until about seven and then fell back asleep.
Woke around nine thirty. I didn’t want to, but the dogs decided it was time to go back outside again.
I ate some of my leftover sandwich and then played Candy Crush Saga for like an hour and a half(SHUT UP! It’s addicting!). After eleven I knew the library was open so I hopped in the car and headed over there but even though their website said they had the book I wanted, they did not so I grabbed a copy of “Sh*t My Dad Says” for bathroom reading and came home.
The rest of the day has been pretty unexciting. I scooped the poop in the yard and then cut down all the grape leaves along our fence. A shower and redesigned the layout for this blog. The rest of the night should prove relaxing and uneventful. I plan on finishing Mockingjay and going to bed early. This sinus thing has come back with a vengeance and I’m not happy about that.
Sooooo, in review:
I totally take for granted the fact that Rob gets up with the dogs every morning -even weekends- and let’s me sleep in as late as I possibly can.
Also I find myself jumping at shadows and locking the door every single time I come back in. It’s worth noting that when I was outside picking dog poop the metal fence gate thingie that closes off our driveway opened about a foot and then slammed shut on it’s own. THERE WAS NO ONE THERE! That really kinda freaked me out. *shudder*
In general the time to myself is good, but I kinda miss having him to talk to. Even when I took weekends to myself in a hotel room I would call him or text him. Right now he has no phone coverage where he is. 🙁 Yeah, after almost 14 years together even less than two days apart and I miss him. <3
Books, Sweet Books
I know I’ve touched on this before but I just have to talk about it again today. Maybe because bookstores are becoming a thing of the past and it has become the norm to have your nose buried in an electronic device now but…
In a time long ago, in a land far away. Long before Kindles and Nooks and even Barnes and Nobles…there was The Library.
You go in and you tell them a little about yourself and they give you this little card. It doesn’t seem like much but this little card is the gateway to a world of fun, knowledge and amazement.
We recently joined Amazon Prime. With the subscription comes some perks and one of them is streaming video like Netflix. Using that perk, I watched the movie Hunger Games and really fell in love with it. Learning there was a sequel in the making I discovered that using Amazon Prime you could get one free Kindle download a month so I downloaded the second book Catching Fire and ate it up within a week.
I finished the book last night and since I’m not ready to download another book to my kindle yet, I thought about the library I had visited so often in the past. Before I got caught up with theater and marathons. I called them today and they had the third and final book in stock. Given that the Library is a mile from my house and the closest bookstore is probably more like fifty, it was really convenient to stop on the way home and pick up the copy of Mockingjay.
When I got home, I held the book in my hands and marveled at it.
I truly appreciate technology. I love that I can contact my best friend at a moments notice while on the road in another state. I love that social networks can keep me in touch with family that lives 3000 miles away. And I adore the fact that no matter where I am I can download a movie or book to my phone or Kindle.
Having said that, there is nothing quite like holding an actual book in your hand. Turning the pages and reading off the thick creamy paper. Reading through sickness or insomnia without ever having to worry about the battery dying or anything malfunctioning. And maybe just falling asleep with your head near the book and never having to worry about radioactive activity leeching into your brain.
Just imagine…
At my office we play the lottery twice a week. It is not mandatory and I shudder to think of the amount of money I have actually put into it over all these years (please do NOT do the math for me, I am purposely blocking it out!) but I have to play it. It’s the same reason my mom had to play it every week when I was growing up. It’s the dream of “what if?” What if I don’t play and we win this week?
My favorite game to play is “What would you do if you won the lottery?” I’ve been playing this game since I was a kid, fueled by my mother’s dreams of winning the Megabucks lotto when we lived in Maine. It is an extremely fun game to play and I am pretty sure that anyone who has ever bought an actual lottery ticket has played this game. Even if you don’t actually gamble, you can still play the game, you just won’t have that hope in the back of your mind that it could actually come true.
The first thing I would do if I won the lottery would be to keep it as secret as possible. I have heard the horror stories of all the family and “friends” that come crawling out of the woodwork when you hit it big financially. I know who my friends are and I know who I will want to help. I’m generally a good hearted person and I want to help out people when I can but if I were to give money to every sad sack story that came my way from people I said hi to once when I was 14 years old, I wouldn’t have any money left over. I don’t know how logistically it would work to keep a big financial windfall secret, especially if it came by way of something so public as the lottery, but I would sure try. On another note, I would also try my hardest not to turn into a total bitch. There is a fine line between weeding out the people that are simply out to make a quick buck of your good fortune and being an ice queen with a heart of stone. Having said that, I’m sure I would have to develop a thicker skin because the people that I might refuse help to would probably not be the nicest to me after I say no.
Wow, I can easily see how some people say that they wish they never won the lottery. There are sure a lot of these things to think about. But enough of the negative! Let’s get on to the fun part of the game!
One of my first orders of business would be to get my Mom set up in the best assisted living apartment money could buy, pay off any debt she might still have and set her up with an accountant to work with her on a living allowance.
I would buy our house from Rob’s parents and pay SOMEONE ELSE to renovate the upper and lower cabins, maybe the main house too while Rob and I stay at a luxury hotel. Hmmm…that sounds nice.
I would buy my brother and his wife a house in the location of their choice, as well as making sure Rob’s family had everything that they might need.
Now that I have helped out our families, here comes the fun stuff! I would travel. EVERYWHERE! Europe, Cruises, Road trips across the states in an RV…yes please! All of the above and more.
When I had gotten my fill of traveling I would probably have to take a volunteer or part time job because after a while sitting on the couch watching TV or crocheting would start to make me a little batty. I would love to volunteer at a no kill animal shelter, or even better start a rescue farm for dogs. I would for sure pursue my wannabe hobby of photography. I love taking pictures but camera equipment is so expensive! Not a problem when you are a millionaire!
I would buy Rob his own recording studio so he could play and record his guitar to his heart’s content.
There would of course be a personal trainer and a private chef so that I would finally get the body I’ve always wanted without having to do all the prep and cooking work.
I would probably own a ridiculous about of dogs from volunteering at the shelter and all of those dogs would only know love and luxury.
And more traveling.
*sigh* I need to start buying more lottery tickets. 🙂
Happy 39th Birthday To Me!
When you are a kid, birthdays are the shit. I mean you count down the days starting seven months ahead because you get to be the center of attention, you get cake and you get gifts! Why wouldn’t it be?
As a teenager you are counting the years til something something important happens. Thirteen means you are officially a teenager. The sweet sixteen means you can get your drivers license and of course 18 means your an adult and can vote. For those of us that didn’t already have fake id’s, 21 means you can buy booze and hit the bars.
After that you start to lose sight of things to look forward to. After 30 most people aren’t looking forward to the milestones of 40 or 50 and the black over the hill balloons that will probably find their way into your celebration.
I can’t remember the last time I had a birthday party. After a while it just didn’t seem important. It seems that as a “grown up” when you spout off about your birthday people see it as a desperate bid for attention. At exactly what age did that happen?
Why is it socially acceptable to shout from the rooftops that your birthday is coming up when you are five but 30 years later it’s not as cute? I’m still celebrating the day I was born. I’m still another year older. I can just no longer count the years one hand…or two for that matter.
If anything I should be celebrating that I’m another year wiser. That I managed to make it this far without completely destroying myself *knocks wood*.
Today I turned 39. After that it’s the big Four Oh. Remember when that was just ancient? It doesn’t seem that long ago.
I’ve come a LONG way from the confused angsty teenager and the rebel in her early 20’s. I’m approaching middle age but look at what I’ve accomplished. As a jaded 20 something I never thought I would get married because “all men are dogs”. Now I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage to a wonderful man this August. I’ve gone from wondering if I would ever be able to afford to move out of my mothers house to being fairly financially comfortable. I’ve gone from an insecure child/teen who always wanted to just be liked to an adult with a wonderful group of friends and family that support me in whatever I do. I went from a child/teen that only ever dreamed of being a singer and or actress while knowing it could never happen to a woman that might not be famous, but is living out her childhood dream on a stage in Monterey.
So maybe instead of dreading those black balloons, wrinkles and gray hairs to come, maybe it’s time to look at them as achievements.
Okay enough of that…Here’s a recap of my Birthday!
This Saturday is Rob’s dad’s birthday so last night we had a combined dinner out in Watsonville at a place called CHOP’S near the airport. Great dinner and great company. Rob’s sister brought us the most decadent cake I’ve ever had. It was chocolate cake with a caramel filling on the bottom layer and two other chocolate fillings. Plus chocolate frosting and chocolate ganache on top. SOOOOOO GOOOD!!!!!
This morning I got to work and my Paula had bought me the most yummiest breakfast that I wolfed down in no time flat. Michaelle had made me cupcakes 
and gave me this super awesome mousepad that had a picture of my doggies on it.(forgot to bring it home, will take a pic tomorrow)
Rob took me out to lunch at the Golden Tee restaurant at the airport. We split a bowl of clam chowder with a basket of bread and then got the Snicker’s Pie for desert. Heaven!!
He also gave me the present he got me, which was the most awesome present in all of the awesome world of presents!!
We got home and Rob revealed one last gift. Another Amazon wishlist gem from my friend Koly.
And as I sat down to write this blog I got the best gift of all. The one I get every night when I sit down to check my email or facebook.
The gift of Puppy kisses:
Wait, where are my clothes???
So um, tonight started just like any other performance night at the theater. They had some sound issues but nothing that concerned me. So around 20 minutes before curtain I headed up to the dressing room and put on my cursed nylons. Once they were on I turned to grab my costume and found empty hangers.
Wait, what?
My wool blazer was still hanging there but all other garments were gone. It was then that I realized that I had taken my clothes home to wash them and they were still sitting in a bag on my record player at home.
I went into full on panic mode. Thankfully a handful of cast mates were with me and talked me down. One cast mate in particular was the person who put the costumes together for the show. She took one look at me with tears in my eyes and sweating and asked what I needed. With only 15 minutes until showtime she just nodded and went off in search of clothing in the costume area.
I am not a small woman so while there are lots of costumes backstage, finding appropriate items that will actually FIT me is no small feat.
With minutes to spare to get me into my wig she had all my replacement costume pieces hanging and ready for me in the dressing room. I was amazed and ever so grateful. It wasn’t perfect but it worked and the audience was none the wiser.
I was also happy for all of the cast mates that rallied around me tonight. I was a bit of a basketcase and it helped so much to have them talking me down and it made all the difference.
I must say though, that the panic attack might have made my performance even better. I felt like my solo tonight was much better than it has been lately. Guess I just need a shot of adrenaline before each performance? Yeah, no…not even gonna chance it. 🙂
Spring Cleaning
So you’ve heard of spring cleaning your house? I’m spring cleaning my body.
I have smoked off and on since I was 14 years old. Not something I’m proud of but it’s the truth. (PS if you need to know, I’m 38. Do the math.) And while I’m telling the truth I should mention it’s been more on than off.
A while back I quit for about two years until I became involved in the theater. I don’t blame the theater. The theater did not shove a cigarette into my mouth and light it. However, I was the newbie amongst what seemed like old friends. A lot of them smoked so it seemed like the best way to get to know them if I followed them out and hung out on the smoke breaks. Whatever I have to say to justify it to myself right?
Okay, so it became a habitual thing. You know how some people smoke when they drink? I smoked when I was at the theater. If my car was even pointed within two miles of the theater I was craving a cig. At home I was okay…for awhile.
After a while it started to bleed into my home life. After three years of theater it was time to admit I was a full fledged smoker again.
To add to this, I have been completely lax on my diet for quite some time now. The result of that was me gaining back about 20 pounds. To add insult to injury I haven’t exercised properly since the half marathon in December.
To sum up: I’m a mess.
Cut to last week.
I’m in rehearsals for a new play and I have my first ever solo number. This is kind of a big deal for me so I’ve been practicing the song diligently in my car along with the CD. You know, in the car where I’m sitting down and not moving much at all.
Last week we had to work the choreography for the song. I don’t dance so much as just walk around and emote but HOLY CRAP! To hit the notes I need to hit and hold them? I was winded and seriously didn’t think I could do it! It was kind of a wake up call. I’ve gained so much weight I only have two pairs of jeans that fit me comfortably. I smoke on a daily basis and I don’t work out at all unless you count raising a fork to my mouth.
So this past Monday started a change.
I rejoined weight watchers and started following it diligently. I started jogging again and I quit smoking.
Today is day four without a smoke.
Last night I ran through my solo in front of my castmates with only he piano for music and no back up singers. I was PETRIFIED. After the number the director called for a break and I had all this nervous energy with no where to go. I wanted to smoke so badly. Not sure I’ve ever wanted one so bad in my life. I didn’t smoke. I walked around the stage and talked myself out of it. I figure if I can get through that, I’m good.
Since Monday I have lost three pounds and haven’t had a cigarette. More than that, I FEEL GOOD. My lung capacity feels normal for the first time in a while and I actually looked forward to my jog today.
It’s going to be a long journey but I feel comfortable where I am at this moment and I’m putting this out there for accountability right now.
Other than being tired from work/rehearsal/exercise, I think I’m in a pretty good place and I’ve had a smile on my face most of the day.
So it's not just natural bitchiness?
Have you ever been in pain for so long that you don’t even realize it anymore. You recognize that you are grumpy and emotional and don’t understand why.
For the last month I have been unable to breathe through my nose off and on. More on than off. I just kind of accepted it as a fact of life. I’m not sick. I’m not sneezing and my throat feels fine *knocks wood*. It never turns into anything other than feeling like someone has stuffed my nasal passages with cotton. My lips are completely chapped since I have become a mouth breather but that’s about it. I blow my nose and nothing comes out. It’s just plugged…there is no excessive mucus, it’s just swollen nasal passages.
The not being able to breathe is an obvious symptom, not something I can easily ignore but I was managing okay I think. The eating with my mouth open part was kind of gross but hey, what can you do?
The one thing that I didn’t really notice any longer was the sinus headache. I mean, I noticed it. It’s hard to ignore the pinching feeling under my eyes and the sensation that someone is constantly pushing in the front of my face, but I guess I just became accustomed to it.
At the same time I was wondering why I’m so cranky. I feel miserable and can’t quite pinpoint why. Sure, work is crazy and all but my attitude is making it even worse. I am snapping at people for no reason and even if I’m not doing it in person I’m thinking really rotten thoughts about people with no provocation of theirs. It had gotten to the point where I couldn’t stand living in my own brain. If I were one of my friends I sure as shit wouldn’t want to hang out with me right now. If I’m not snarky and bitchy then I’m emotional and crying for no reason. I’m surprised that Rob hasn’t sent me to a hotel until I get my shit together.
This morning I woke up and felt refreshed. It was a feeling I couldn’t quite place…oh wait. I felt GOOD! I was breathing through my nose! My head no longer felt like it was made of cotton candy! Whoa wait, is this what NORMAL feels like?
I got into work and I wasn’t ready to kill anyone.
I had forgotten what it was like to feel human.
I’m still a little congested and my nose is actually running and the mucus is breaking up. Ironically I’m probably getting sick and will feel worse before I get better but it’s given me hope.
I’m not just becoming a horrible person! I can recover from this! 🙂
I love that he cares…
I love my husband so much. I love how much he cares and feels.
Example:
Rob is a musician. Occasionally he works with other musicians that he wants to keep in contact with. Two years ago he played a gig with a band out of California but not local. When he found out that they had spent the previous night sleeping on the beach because they tour out of their van he extended an offer that if they were ever in the area again they could crash at our place.
Two years later they are coming through Monterey as they start a tour in Oregon. They asked if they could crash on our floor.
Now, I’ve never met them and I’m not exactly stoked with strangers sleeping on my property but I do think it is rude to extend and offer and then take it back. Plus I think my husband is a pretty good judge of character(he married me right?) so I agreed that they could stay.
Rob told them that they could come and that we would BBQ.
They responded that two of them were Vegetarians.
Rob being Rob, has set about making a Vegetarian feast for these guys. My Vegan taco soup is currently simmering on the stove. He will BBQ chicken and bacon but for the most part he is going to set up a baked potato and nacho bar. We have procured all the fixings for baked potato toppings as well as nachos. We have artichokes to be grilled on the BBQ with a nice selection of veggies.
He found out what they like to drink and so our fridge is stocked with coke and cranberry juice and our bar is stocked with Rum.
His only goal in all of this is to send them off on a tour where they will be comfortable and well rested. He is planning on sending them off with a cooler and all the leftovers they can pack in the van so that they don’t have to stop for food the first couple of meals.
They will not crash on our floor but they will have our bed, couch and air mattress if they so choose. We will sleep in the upper house(while this sounds like a selfless act, it actually involves a lot less cleaning and therefore makes our lives easier.)
He just thinks of all these things. There is absolutely no benefit for him to do this. The only thing it does is make him feel good by getting these guys out on a good start.
I will probably not meet them. They are coming in around nine tonight and I will probably be in bed already given this sinus thing I’m currently fighting. But I know they will be well taken care of.
Rob is truly a good host.
Random thoughts on dog ownership.
So we have these neighbors that live across the street from us. From what I understand they are related to the guy that died in that house years ago. They live in San Diego but they come up here for about two months at a time to stay and work on the house. Very nice middle aged couple with no kids and a really old dog named Maggie.
Whenever they are in town Pappy sneaks under the fence to go on their walks with them and Maggie. They really adore Pappy and he loves them too.
They just got back into town a couple of weeks ago and the only reason we knew was because we saw their car. We didn’t actually see them which was unusual but we didn’t think too much of it. One night when we were pulling into our driveway Rob commented that he hadn’t seen either of them and I agreed. That’s when it hit me. The reason we used to see and chat with them so much was when they were outside walking Maggie. They did it a lot because of her age and her inability to hold her bladder for long periods. I verbally wondered if Maggie had finally given up the ghost.
Long story short, Rob came home the other night and the wife was out working on the yard. She did confirm that they had finally had to put Maggie down. Liver problems and general old age. It brought back memories of Romie in his final days.
I know that to some people it is silly that I am so attached to my dogs. It has become a running joke among people that I am *that* dog owner that refers to her self as Mommy and so on and so forth but it’s true. I do not have kids. I’m not going to have kids. These dogs are my children. They are loved and cared for and I worry about them all the time.
They bring me countless hours of joy and love. If I am ever down, all I have to do is look at their sweet faces and all is right with the world.
Recently Shilo had a flu bug or got into something that upset her stomach. That alone was very worrisome for me. But the vet said she would be okay just feed her white rice and boiled chicken so we did. It was around that time that Pappy started not eating his food. He didn’t have a lack of appetite. He was still super excited when we said the magic word but when he got to his bowl he just kinda looked up at us like “Is this it?” For a while we thought he was just being a brat because Shilo was getting something different and he wanted it too so we appeased him and added some rice and chicken to his kibble to and he ate it down.
Even after Shilo got better he still didn’t seem to want to eat his kibble until he realized that it was all that he was getting and even then sometimes refused to eat. Again, no decrease in appetite. He still begged for human food but didn’t want what was in his dish.
It recently occurred to me that maybe his teeth are getting bad and it hurts to eat those hard pieces of kibble. It makes sense since he wants to eat, just not the hard crunchy pieces. And that brings about the fact that he’s getting up there in age.
When we got him in January of 2007 we were told he was about three years old. If that is the case he would currently be nine years old. I doubt that he was that young though. Having a two year old puppy right now tells me he was a lot older when we got him. Very mellow and calm. I think they rounded down on his age to get him adopted faster. If I had to guess I’d say is around ten or eleven right now. His face and paws and belly have all completely turned white. He’s still got a lot of pep in his step when he’s fighting with Shilo but he is just showing all the signs of old age.
Romie was sixteen when we had to put him down. He was also half blind, mostly deaf and out of his mind with doggie dementia that he had to take meds for.
Pappy is a long way from that. I think he’s got quite a few good years left. He can still hear the “cookie jar” being opened in the other room in a dead sleep. 🙂 But he is getting older and it makes me sad to think that he’ll be gone eventually.
When we put Romie down a friend commented that she wasn’t getting any more dogs after her current one because it wasn’t worth the heartbreak when they died. Even through my own tears, I disagreed with her. It is hard to lose a loved one, but it is soooooooo worth the time and love and joy that they brought you in the years they were in your life.
I could never NOT own a dog.
Obsessions
I have a tendency to start new hobbies, get obsessed with them, buy up any and all possible materials to work on said hobbies and then lose interest in them after getting busy with work or life. All of the supplies then get moved into the upper house for storage and I await my next hobby/obsession.
I admit that I have probably wasted a ton of money over the years by doing this but I just can’t seem to help it.
Things I have tried and never stuck to:
Jewelry making, Rubber Stamping, Embossing, Cross Stitch, Needlepoint, Selling Avon, Collecting Dolls, Toll Painting, Knitting, and those are all just off the top of my head. I am sure there are tons I am forgetting from years gone by. (To be fair, selling Avon lasted two years but I got PAID for that. Not a lot, but enough.)
I long to be creatively talented but alas, I just can’t seem to stick to anything. I have always and will always write. I don’t see that as a hobby, more like something that is just in my blood. I can’t not do it. But I see all those fun and imaginative things people put up on Pinterest and it makes me want to be artistic like that! I really want to be…I’m just not.
Having that knowledge however has never seemed to stop me from trying. And buying. Beverly’s and Michael’s craft stores shiver with delight when they see me walk through the doors. All the sales people wish that they worked on commission when they see me walking the aisles, placing items into my already overflowing cart. I guess I figure that if I keep trying hard enough eventually something might stick. Never mind that I have been doing this since I was a teenager.
My latest endeavor is crochet. I love the idea of it! I love that you can make so many interesting and different things using just a needle and some yarn. I’m talking anything from a hair scrunchie (I actually made one of those!) to stuffed animals and everything in between. If I had all the time in the world, I would be one of those creepy old ladies that have crocheted EVERYTHING in their house. Crocheted dish towels, coasters, placemats, afghans, baby booties and I don’t even have a baby…you get the idea.
If I had the time, the time and the skill that is. Crocheting is HARD! I’m sure it gets easier, but dang! I am currently working on a beanie for my husband and my hands get ALL KINDS of cramped up.
I guess that is what it boils down to. I don’t like when something gets difficult. I know that pretty much makes me lazy but it is the truth. I want to make cute things and for that matter, be skinny and fit, but only if there is an easy way to do it. I want the body of a runner without having to actually run. I want to lose weight but I want to eat whatever I want. I want to be well educated without having to study. I think we all have a little bit of this personality trait; I just seem to have it in abundance.
Not to the point where I complain about the lack of these things that I want really. I will fully admit to you the reason I am not losing weight is because I choose bad foods to eat and I haven’t exercised in weeks. I’m not sticking my head in the sand and lamenting about how I can’t get all these things. I know perfectly well I could if I just put in the work and effort.
Maybe it’s time to stop working on getting a hobby to stick and start working on motivation to better myself. Something to think about.
I am a 40 something married woman living in California.
I enjoy knitting and crocheting, watching crap movies, snuggling with my two adorable dogs and trying to be a good person.
