Santa Cruz mini vacation
It all started with my former work place starting to plan a reunion. I haven’t seen some of the people in a very long time so I was totally down for the idea. Things were planned, dates were set and Rob and I secured the time off of work. Long story short, the dates kept changing and it got to the point where I didn’t trust that we could purchase non refundable airfare. Since most of the people in the Reunion still lived in Phoenix it was easier for them to adapt to the changing dates, but for us, we needed a locked in date so we could fly in and get hotels.
Finally I said screw it, we can’t wait to book airfare but I don’t feel comfortable plunking down a wad of cash on tickets since the dates kept changing. Rob and I opted out of the reunion.
Since we still had the days off of work approved we began to plan a trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain. Well, when the PT Cruiser(our reliable car) died right before the trip, that kind of put an end to that.
Enter, Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. We’d gone there a year and a half ago and had a fun time. We figured what the heck, why not? It also worked out nicely that my friend Michaelle had scheduled her C-section in Santa Cruz the day before we were going to be there so I would get to see her and the new baby.
Woke up on Wednesday morning, took the dog for a long walk and then finished packing. By eleven we had dropped the dog off at the vets to board him and were on the road. Santa Cruz is only about an hour to an hour a half away so it didn’t take long to get us there.
Our first stop was Dominican Hospital to see the new bundle of joy.
He was so adorable and cute I can’t even say enough about it. Sooooo tiny. Look at his little feet!!
After a short visit we left. She had a lot of family there and I didn’t want to hog her and the baby so it was off to our hotel.
We chose the Ocean Pacific Lodge for our hotel. It was the same hotel we stayed in the last time we were in Santa Cruz because we liked it so much the last stay and the location was within walking distance of everything that we would need.
We arrived about an hour too early for check in so we decided to hike over to the beach and see about getting some lunch. I went down to the beach for a second to take some pictures because I could. 🙂
The last pic is the restaurant/bar that we decided to have lunch at. We ambled inside and waited for about ten minutes before we even got menus. 
Then once we had the menus we didn’t see anything particularly good and the waitress was taking forever to come over to even take a drink order. End result? We left and hit up this little deli/pizza place on the way back to the hotel. It ended up being pretty darn good.
After we were done eating it was time to go check into the hotel. The last time we stayed here we had a jacuzzi suite that we didn’t ask for or pay for so I knew it wouldn’t be quite as good but it was still nice.
We chilled in the room for a while, swam in the freezing cold pool and hung out in the hot tub before heading out to get our dinner at the same mexican food place we ate the last time we were here.
The next day we woke up and got ready. For some reason we both thought the boardwalk opened at eleven but we were wrong. So we got there a tad too early and had to wait around for about 45 minutes for things to open. We were hoping that since it was May there would be more rides open this time than the last time we came in the month of January and we were disappointed.
In the long run it was okay though. We still had tons of fun, Rob got his roller coaster fix and I didn’t eat any of the many bad food treats presented before me.
After we had our fill of fun at the boardwalk we decided to hit the bowling alley for some lunch and to see if the Wii had helped at all with our bowling games…it hadn’t.
With Rob establishing himself as the champion after two games(I totally beat him all the time on Wii) it was time to head back to the hotel. We stopped at the corner store to get some soda and chips and then I decided last minute that I would rather get another sandwich from the place we ate at on our first day than have leftover mexican food so I sent Rob off to the hotel and waited around for the sandwich.
Once back at the hotel we chilled in the room, swam a bit and hit the hot tub. It was dark out and I packed a bit but I still felt like the vacation wasn’t complete. I asked Rob if he would mind taking a walk to the beach. We had talked about it briefly the night before about just sitting on the beach watching the waves and him playing guitar. It sounded like the perfect end to the vacation so off we went.
It was so nice and peaceful sitting there on the sand watching the ocean while he played his acoustic guitar. It really was the perfect end to the vacation.
As we were getting ready to leave we were approached by a young man wearing only shorts and a tank top(it was pretty cold at that point) asking if he could borrow a cell phone. Rob said no, but he’d be happy to dial a number for him and put it on speakerphone. The guy agreed eagerly. I guess he had been out for a run earlier in the day and at some point his house key had fallen out of his pocket. He had been looking for it ever since and had been having no luck. Since it was dark he was using the light of his Ipod as a flashlight. So Rob dialed up the guy’s fiance who apparently lived three hours away and we listened to him beg her to come down and let him into the house(I can only assume that she had a key to the house as well), she agreed but let him know that it would be three hours before she got there.
When he was done, we chatted a little bit more and Rob gave the guy his sweatshirt. He also gave him his card and said that if he wanted to return it, he could. Otherwise he could pass it on to another sad soul in a similar situation. The guy was very grateful and said he was going to go to his house and see if any of his neighbors would let him in to stay for the next three hours.
Feeling a little like we helped out, we headed back to the hotel where we ate dinner and went to the bed.
The trip home was uneventful and once we unloaded the car I headed down to the vets office to pick up our baby boy. They love him so much there I swear, it was like a celebrity was leaving the building. As the brought him out all of the staff was yelling: “Come here Pappy!! Come say goodbye to me!” and giving him lots of loving. The lady behind the desk leaned in and told me: “He really is a very special dog.” It was very cute.
At any rate, it was a very successful trip. Lots of fun was had and our batteries were recharged. And we still have the rest of the weekend to relax. Not bad at all.
My Day At Jury Duty
Happy St. Paddy’s Day everyone. Even if you aren’t Irish, make sure you get your fill of corned beef and green beer 
today!
Earlier this week marked my first ever experience with Jury Duty. Since my work pays for the first 3 days of Jury Duty and I was curious to see how the whole process worked, it wasn’t that big of a hassle to me to be called.
The only difference in my morning was that I actually had to leave even earlier than a work morning so that was a bit blah but I still managed to make it there mostly on time.
We were all gathered in a fairly small room with limited seating, I’d say there was roughly 100 of us. It was first come first serve on the chairs of course, and since I had trouble finding a parking space I got to stand.
Prior to leaving my house that morning, I had called the recorded message at the courthouse to get directions. In that message they also mention that the dress code of business was strongly encouraged. I quickly ditched my capri jeans, t shirt and sneakers for my dressy black sweater, a pair of dark pants and my black wedge heels.
After arriving I looked around the room and realized I needn’t have bothered to take the dress code so seriously. Since I had however, now I had to stand in my heels. Note to self: Next time leave fifteen minutes earlier…oh and dress comfy.
Soon after I got there the clerk announced that some new motions had been filed Friday and the attorneys were meeting with the Judge to go over them so they wouldn’t be ready for us until at least ten. She invited everyone to go stretch their legs and walk around, just to stay within yelling distance.
I quickly seized my opportunity, snagging an abandoned chair in the back, parking myself and pulling out my Iphone.
With two hours to kill, I was glad I had thought to bring my current library book. If I relied only on my phone for entertainment the battery would be dead by noon.
I did email back and forth with Rob and text with Michaelle but for the most part I read my book.
Around ten fifteen or so the clerk was updated again and she informed us that both parties might be approaching settlement and if that happened we could all go home. The catch was, that they wouldn’t know that until at least one in the afternoon. After the collective groan from the crowd, she smiled and told us that due to the timing, she was going to release us for lunch on the condition that we come back at 1:15. If they had settled we could go home, otherwise we would have to start the jury selection process.
This news was met with a much more positive response. Two and a half hour lunch? Hell yeah, sign me up!
Taking full advantage of the location and the time I had, I motored over to Del Monte Center. The first thing I did was get my wedding ring sized.
Ever since I dropped the weight my wedding ring hasn’t fit. Since I have gotten various anniversary rings over the years I just never got around to getting it sized down. I just took to wearing it on my thumb on my left hand.
With the vow renewal looming in August, we figured it was a good time to get the ring re-sized. That way I can use my original ring for the ceremony as well as my new engagement ring.
After I dropped that off I contemplated getting a pedicure but it looked like all the chairs were filled, so I headed over to Pizza My Heart instead. I had brought a salad with me in case the lunch break wasn’t that long but I really didn’t feel like a salad. Not that I ever really feel like a salad, but that is neither here nor there.
I had never eaten from Pizza My Heart before but had heard nothing but good things about them from my co-workers. Rob and I were going to try and order delivery from them when we spent the weekend in Santa Cruz last year but their prices for a full pizza are pretty high and we are cheap so we went with another place.
I ordered 2 slices of D’lex Chicken & Bacon and a drink for five bucks so apparently, by the slice is the way to go when it comes to prices. VERY good pizza by the way.
After I was done eating, I still had more time to kill so I hit Claire’s. It is my favorite crap accessory store ever! Then it was off hit up Cold Stone for a waffle bowl full of Cake Batter ice cream. What? Don’t judge me! It was mandated Jury Duty food. I was required to eat it by law!
At that point I still had a little less than an hour but I wanted to get a good parking space so I headed back to the courthouse. I got a space right up front, opened all the windows in the PT, reclined the chair and read my book. So far I didn’t understand why everyone complained about Jury Duty. Seemed pretty sweet to me!
Once everyone had reconvened in the room, all hoping for a settlement. Our hopes were dashed when the clerk informed us that there was no settling and that we had to all go up to the courtroom right away so we could start the jury selection process.
We started the painfully slow process of filing one by one through the metal detector and into the courthouse and ended up on the second floor crammed into a courtroom with way too little seating for the group of us.
This was finally when it began to sink in why people hate being called for Jury Duty. Not necessarily being on a jury but the selection process is so long and tedious and BORING!
Once I was finally able to sit down, I was struck by how uncomfortable the “bench” was. Hard, unforgiving pressed wood in the shape of an L. I began to hope I got picked just so I could sit in the jury box in the comfy chairs.
They picked 17 people to go to the jury box and sit there while the judge asked them questions about things that might be a conflict if they served on the case. While she was asking them we were instructed to listen carefully and write down on our own if we had any questions we would answer yes to. So I wasn’t able to read my book because I was paying attention.
At the end of the questions the potential jurors then read off a questionnaire answering questions about themselves.
Once the judge eliminated a few people she called more up and then the lawyers got to ask questions.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
The longer I sat there, the more uncomfortable the bench got. Finally I got my row to myself and tried to stretch out but that just hurt my back worse. I also gave up trying to look like I was paying attention and whipped out my book. Anything to make the time go faster.
Around four it was starting to look like we were going to have to come back the next day to continue with the selection when by some miracle no one else on the panel had any conflicts and the jury was picked.
I honestly felt kind of gypped because I didn’t even get to get interviewed. I mean, I wasted an entire day and didn’t even get to get up in the jurors box and talk about myself. Then I realized that I had been paid to go shopping, eat pizza, email my husband and read. I really had no room to complain.
Overall, I was glad to have the experience. I’m grateful that I live in a country that has such a system in place where people are innocent until proven guilty.
Having said that, I never want to sit through jury selection again!
Childless, not loveless.
Rob and I have been together for almost 11 years now.
We decided a long time ago that we do not want children. A lot of people really don’t understand this and I’m not sure why. I mean, I respect your decision to want to have a family. So why can’t you respect mine to go child free?
When we first got together I was on the fence. I love kids, I always have. My first job was working at a preschool three days a week and I LOVED it. I enjoyed playing games with the kids and running around on the playground with them. I couldn’t wait to have a kid of my own, eventually. I certainly wasn’t looking to conceive at a young age, but I always just assumed I would be a mom some day.
The older I got, the more the thought of becoming a mommy became less and less of a priority. I had lots of friends who already had babies and while I loved helping out with them, I noticed the lack of freedom and didn’t really want that for myself at that age.
“At that age” turned out to not be an age at all. It wasn’t about being a wild kid, or wanting to experience my 20’s at their fullest. I was just not cut out to be a mom.
After first getting together with Rob and getting married, the assumption that I would have kids came back. It was programed into me from birth that you get married and you have babies. We didn’t discuss it other than the fact that we didn’t want to have kids “yet”, so we always used protection.
As the years went by, we had one pregnancy scare that told me I was definitely NOT ready to have kids. That feeling never went away and at 35 years old, it still stands. We have always said that if it happens, it happens. However, we have always taken every precaution to make sure it DOESN’T happen because it isn’t really what we want.
Understand that I have had moments when I have held a friends baby, or watched a sappy movie and I have come away saying to myself that I wanted a baby. That usually lasts all of about three hours and then I come to the realization that I am far to selfish to have a child.
It sounds horrible to say it, I realize that. Here is the bottom line: I love my life. I love being able to call up Rob on a Wednesday saying that I want to go away for the weekend and boom, we do. I love to sleep and can’t function unless I get at least eight hours a night, nor would I want to. I really don’t want to be the person to care for a helpless human life for more than a few hours. I enjoy my life and I don’t want anything messing with it.
That being said, at least I realize how selfish I am. I think it is pretty great that I know that, while I know I could be a good mother, it would end up being a burden in my mind. I’m not afraid to say that while I know I would love my child, I also know I would end up resenting them, and no matter how I tried to hide that from them, kids pick up on that shit. I don’t want to be the reason my child is in therapy 20 years from now.
As an alternative, Rob and I have always had dogs. They are our furry children. They provide us with the unconditional love of a child with less responsibility. I foresee us always having dogs as they bring us great joy without the burden of finding childcare and such and I am okay with that.
I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I am a happily married woman, I don’t want to have kids and there is no shame in that.
RENT Audition
Today was a huge day in my life. Today I conquered one of my biggest fears and not only sang in public for strangers but danced as well…
Today was the RENT audition.
Before I go tell today’s tale, however, let me cover another topic that kinda ties in.
I don’t believe I’ve written about it here in this blog but if you know me(and if you didn’t why the hell are you reading my blog???) chances are pretty good you know about the tango I do with a finger infection every few years.
Well I woke up on Wednesday of this week with a sore fingertip. Not on the finger I always get my infection on but the ring finger right next to it. Odd but I didn’t think too much about it. By the end of the day it was swollen and I could see where this was leading so I called my doc and made an appt for the next morning at eleven.
The next morning it was even more swollen and now the tip had turned blue, like there was a large blood blister or something.
Went to the doctor and told her the only thing I could figure was that in trying to grow out my acrylics I had been cutting them really short and something happened from that. She agreed it must have been some trauma to the nail-bed when I cut it recently and said the blue was blood pooled underneath the skin. She didn’t seem all that concerned even though the red line of infection was already creeping down my hand. She gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way.
After finally getting my prescription filled I headed back to work but my finger was in some serious pain and pretty much all I could do was cry. I went home early.
That was Thursday. Yesterday I called in sick again and kept waiting for the meds to take effect.
Last night rob and I had a long talk since the line of infection was up passed my elbow and I had some small pain in my armpit. We decided that if it had gotten worse by one in the morning when I had to take my next round of meds he would take me to the ER.
That is the back story.
So when I woke up this morning the infection was no better but no worse. I had a choice to make. Go to the ER or go to the audition. Or as I actually phrased it to myself; go to the audition or take full advantage of this infection as an opportunity to chicken out legitimitely from the thing that was scaring me to death. Let’s face it, if I skipped the auditions in lue of taking care of my finger, there wasn’t a single person that could blame me. It was like the universe was offering me the perfect excuse to blow off everything I had worked for the last couple of months.
It was a very hard decision for me, but in the end I knew I would never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to audition.
Today I did what I never thought in a million years that I would do even though I have always wanted to. I auditioned for a play. That means I voluntarily sang and danced in front of people whose whole purpose was to judge me harshly . I conquered a lifelong fear and it was pretty awesome.
Since it was my first time auditioning for anything I did my research. I picked Eva’s brain because she has been through this kinda stuff before and I also emailed the director of the play. I’m glad I did because it made me aware of just how short of a window we were going to have to sing…I was able to fix my song accordingly for maximum belting capacity.
Of course I was the first one there, I didn’t realize that meant I would be the first one to sing but I’m kinda glad now. It was sort of like ripping off the band aid, nice and clean. No time to sit around and worry about forgetting lyrics or being in the wrong key.
The singing took place in front of two people. I thought it would be more but this was fine with me. The room we were in had tiered seating. The director was at the top, me at the bottom with the piano player. I gave the Piano player my sheet music and told him where I would like to begin and off I went. I did the first chorus just like I had rehearsed it. The piano guy went a little bit faster than the background track I had been using but I think I did an okay job at keeping up. When I was done the director said: “I want you to sing this like your heart is being ripped right out of your chest. This isn’t about pretty, I don’t want pretty.”
So I ran through the same chorus singing as best a person can with a vital organ being torn from their body and when I was done the director asked the piano player if he wanted to go over my range.
He said sure and then asked what my range was. I honestly answered that I didn’t know and that this was my first audition. We ran through some lalala’s with the piano and he said that I was an alto and something or other and gave my key range which I wish I remembered. After that the director thanked me and as I was walking up the tiers to leave asked: “This is your first audition?” I said yes and he mumbled, “Odd choice.” I just smiled and said: “Well, RENT is my passion.” and thanked him before walking out the door.
The dance part was next. There were to be two kinds of dancing. One that was choreographed and one that was improvised. The thought of either made me break out into a cold sweat, but I figured I can take direction fairly well so maybe I’d do better on the first one. To tell you the truth that is when I started to tell myself that I had only come to sing and that I didn’t even care if I got the part so why should I have to go through the dance part right? I mean, I had done what I had gone there to do and hey, who wants to spend so much of their summer rehearsing all the time anyway?
I almost had myself convinced but I couldn’t do it. I had to finish this thing till the end, even if that meant making an even bigger fool of myself in front of a large number of people.
There were about 20 of us in the dance group so it was pretty easy to blend into the back when learning the routine…and I use the word “learning” loosely as I never fully got it, but then she broke us up into groups. Curses!
Eventually I didn’t feel like a total klutz even if I didn’t have most of the act down. The director came in and watched us dance in our smaller groups and then came the improv dancing. The song they chose was “Today 4 U” from the broadway soundtrack. The director got all of us on the floor and told us to just go wild as he put the song on. Instantly the dance floor became a club and everyone just started dancing. I found myself getting caught up in it and just grooving. When that was over he had us pair up and come down a line like in the movie Grease and dance at the end of the line until he told us to stop. And then it was over. Turns out that was the funnest part for me. Who knew?
And that was it. Four hours after I got there it was done and I had only preformed for the director a total of three minutes.
As I was leaving the music hall and heading for my car I found a huge smile creeping across my face. “I did it!” I whispered to myself. “I really did it!”
I am fully aware I will probably not get a part in this play and I am perfectly okay with that. I did what I set out to do today and ended up actually having fun. The hugeness of this day for me is really hard to comprehend. It is not a day I will ever forget and I’m so glad I went through with it.
Getting There
With the auditions for RENT looming in the immediate future it was time to meet up with Eva again tonight. When we last met Eva told me that I would need to find a monologue to rehearse and also gave me some tips on my voice.
I’ve been rehearsing the song but more with the original song than with the background track I have. I’ve discovered this might have not been the best idea…but I have another week to work on that. I also had been on the hunt via the internet for a monologue to rehearse. I didn’t like a lot of the ones I found but settled for one that seemed to be fairly simple. The problem was I just never quite jived with it. I could do it, but I found it not as easy to memorize as I thought it would be. I hemmed and hawed for a while. Trying to memorize it but still trying to find a better one. Finally two nights ago I found the one I wanted. It was all about father issues so I could pull from experience. Bonus, there was a youtube video of someone doing the monologue. I’ve always been able to memorize better from audio than visual so that helped a lot.
So tonight, exactly one month later(totally not planned), I headed over there tonight to get her opinion on how I had progressed. But before I get into that I had another huge step for me happen this afternoon.
My girls and I headed out to lunch today, which we try to do once a week or so. On the way back to work the subject of me going to Eva’s tonight came up and so I told them about the monologue I chose and then they asked about the song. I told them it was an Idina Menzel song and Paula said: “Let’s hear it.” and turned the volume down on the radio. I didn’t protest. I thought, how can you go sing in front of a bunch of people you don’t know if you can’t sing in front of your best friends?? With only a second or two of hesitation I launched into the song acapella and sang the first verse and chorus. This was HUGE for me. I always say no when someone asks me to sing without preparation and usually WITH preparation.
As I got back to my desk at work and the shaking subsided I was blessed with the biggest adrenaline high I have had a in a long time. It was pretty amazing. I actually found myself thinking: “I can’t wait to sing for Eva tonight!” 🙂
So I showed up at Deborah and Eva’s a little early. Eva had just woken up and was in her room. So Deborah and I played with the dogs and chatted for a little bit. When Eva came out we talked a bit more and she answered some questions I had about the auditions. Then it was time to sing.
Last time I sang for them I had to face away from them. This time I faced them. I even looked Eva in the eye one or two times. 🙂 When I was done they both told me that they noticed I seemed less nervous and my vibrato was less this time(I’ve been working on that but I wasn’t sure it was working…). Eva gave me a couple more tips and then she sang the songs she was thinking about auditioning with for me. That girl is sooo freaking talented! She has a huge range! I was impressed. Then we sang “Take Me or Leave Me” together(girl duet from RENT). That was fun.
Finally I did my monolouge. I had to read it as it wasn’t totally memorized but when I was done I was happy when Eva said she that it was good and she had no advice for me on it. That was really good to hear because, while I sing all the time, I had never done anything like acting before. It almost made me more nervous than the singing! 🙂
After the hard stuff was out of the way we talked a bit more before I headed home.
Today was a really big day for me. I did a lot in the way of realizing and calming some of my public speaking/singing fears. I’m quite proud of myself actually.
One more week until auditions. Wow.
Re-proposal
Waking up this morning did not appear to be unlike any other weekend morning. I slept in and was awoken when my husband and the dog crawled back in bed. I woke up slowly playing around with the dog and joking with Rob. It is how I usually wake up on the weekends and it is a very pleasant way to wake up.
After wrestling around with the dog I noticed something black hanging from his collar. We had recently put on a “silencer” for his tags that was also black so I thought maybe it had come loose. Upon further inspection I noticed something silver hanging on it.
I was still pretty sleepy so I thought maybe I wasn’t seeing what I thought I was seeing because it looked like a diamond ring hanging on a black Velcro strap.
“What is on his collar?” I asked as I reached closer and picked up the strap as Pappy wiggled around.
Rob was silent.
“What is it?” I finally was able to grasp the ring. There it was. A simple diamond ring on a silver band. Gorgeous!
The back story to this is that when Rob and I 1st got engaged, I used a diamond ring that I had found in my grandmothers jewelry box after her passing as my ring. It was important to me to have that ring but I also used to joke that Rob had gotten off pretty cheap on the the whole engagement ring thing. 🙂
In August of this year Rob and I have been planning to renew our vows for our ten year anniversary.
As I struggled to get the ring off the Velcro strap Rob said that since he never got me an engagement ring the first time, he wanted to give me this ring in hopes that I would marry him all over again.
I immediately teared up and said YES! Of course I would!!! We both got emotional and he finally had to help me with the strap to get the ring off. I removed my anniversary ring and put it on my finger. It is a little snug but actually not a bad fit. (inspiration to drop a few more pounds.)
I couldn’t believe it! I had truly not expecting this at all. I absolutely love it! Moreover, I love that after ten years together that he would still ask me to marry him all over again. I mean, we had only known each other for three months when he proposed the first time. He had no clue what he was getting into with me. Hehe. He has no excuse now after living with me for a decade. 🙂
I love him and am more than happy to take him as my husband all over again.
2009 — A Year In Review
Here is my annual year in review:
In January of 2009 we found ourselves in Santa Cruz enjoying a small weekend vacation with the dog. We had a great time on he boardwalk and Pappy was glad to have been included in the weekend away. 🙂
In February, I walked a five K with my friend Julie in Pacific Grove…it was COLD!
March found us in LA for my very first time seeing RENT live. We also made a weekend out of it, bringing the dog and seeing Universal Studios. We also met up with Rob’s friends Nina and Will, but the highlight was RENT. 🙂
In April I discovered the local library, in turn, saving us thousands in my reading habit. We had a minor scare with Pappy eating an Advil and had to get an emergency vet visit. The best news of all came from me having my final sedation dental appointment and having 20,000 dollars worth of dental work behind us.
May found us mourning the death of Rob’s G’ma Laura and me participating in yet another five K, this time with my friend Paula. Also Rob planned a surprise birthday weekend for us and the dog in Cayucos where I finally met a long time friend of his and her family that we had been conversing with for years.
In June, I am not sure what took place because of my lack of blogging and picture taking. (Hey! It is how I remember shit okay???) 😉
July was a fun filled month as I flew my happy little butt back to Maine for my cousin Sherry’s wedding and had a blast with all my old friends and family. It ended with me completing my first ever 10 K in Santa Cruz.
August started off with Pappy not being able to participate in the competition that won him 3rd place last year because of his territorial issues, and ended with our annual trip to Vegas to see mom for our anniversary.
In September I did yet another five K in Pebble Beach for Rob’s old high school…I managed to shave four minutes off my time from the previous year.
October had me down with the sickness when I caught the flu that everyone at work seemed to have had. Luckily I recovered in time for my friend Megan’s wedding and to travel to San Francisco with my friend Julie to see RENT for the second time. The next day we got to see our friend Melissa finish the Nike Women’s Marathon.
In November we hosted Thanksgiving at our house for the first time ever and it was a low carb theme to stay on my diet. A success!! 🙂
December had me realizing my greatest fears as I found out that our local college was going to be putting on the play of RENT.
So that is my year in a very short review. I hope that next year can be even better and happier and I wish that for you and yours as well. 🙂
The first step
I met with my friend Deborah’s daughter Eva tonight. Eva has been in several plays, most of which have been put on by the college that is putting on RENT. A while back Deborah had volunteered Eva to help me with my singing and stage fright. Tonight, I took her up on it.
I was really nervous. This was my first time singing FOR REAL in front of someone other than my husband in many years….well, other than my mom on the phone this weekend. 🙂
They put in my background music CD and allowed me to face away from them while singing.
What I discovered tonight is that the singing that first note is the hardest. I was shaking and sweating the whole way through the song, but I did catch my stride after the first couple of notes. While I may not have sung them all perfectly, I kept going. There was a problem with me singing the bridge because it has a funky part with background singing and lead vocals but I did the best I could and managed to finish the song fairly strong.
And you know what? Once I had done it, once it was over, it was just that. Over. Three little minutes. Three little minutes make me THAT nervous?? I was almost on a high after it was done.
We sat down and Eva gave me some tips and pointers. I have too much vibrato in my voice. I’ve always thought that to be so but no one has ever said anything about it until tonight and I’m glad for it. She said that she has had the same problem in the past and it is possible to reign it in. I just have to learn how. 🙂
Overall, I feel that tonight was successful in many ways. I took the first step in overcoming my fears of singing in public and got not only some positive feedback but some suggestions on how to improve my audition.
I’m very thankful that they allowed me into their home and helped me with something that has been worrying me for quite a while now.
Oh and in case you are wondering, Eva is a fantastic singer and would be a perfect Mimi in RENT. 😀
Scared to Death
I love to sing.
I LOVE to sing!
I sing in the car at the top of my lungs. It is one of the things I truly love to do. So you would think I would be comfortable singing in front of others right?
Ummm…not so much. I feel that I have a semi good voice, but I have always felt, my whole life that I will be judged harshly for my voice.
I guess it comes from when I was a kid…
I never wanted to sing in the school play. I never asked to. But there were certain people in my grade school that got picked to sing and so they did. I remember being a fat kid and hating the attention. This was made so much worse when I would hear the small selection of kids making snarky remarks behind me after I stopped singing in rehearsal.
I don’t know if that created it, or made it worse but whatever it was, it resulted in a severe phobia of singing in public. Now I can sing in the car with other people there. I can sing along with my IPOD when I’m at my desk at work. This is all done at a soft level and because there is the song in the background with a real singer singing, it doesn’t bother me. However, if I were up in front of people with only background music…where you could hear all my perceived mistakes…just the thought makes me want to start shaking and vomit with fear.
This creates quite a problem with someone who loves to sing.
So this brings me to my point…
If you know me, even only a TINY bit, you know that I love the movie/play RENT…I may even be obsessed with it.
So here is the thing. Our local college is putting on the play RENT. The auditions will be taking place in a little more than a month. I have been practicing my song and I am fully aware that I have no shot at a main role in the play. I would be happy to push a broom in this play, just to be a part of it.
So how does a person that is deathly afraid of public speaking/singing get over it? I honestly am at a loss, but I know that if I don’t audition, even if I blow it, I will regret it for the rest of my life.
I’m seriously thinking about hypnosis or something.
Thoughts?
Visited an old friend today…
It’s hard to believe that Romie has been gone a whole year. It seems like just yesterday we made the hardest decision of our lives to have him put down. But it wasn’t. It was a year ago that we put him out of his pain and into the afterlife.
When we buried Romie in my in-laws back yard, we used a photo frame as a marker on his grave. It was a frame that my friend LaShundia’s children had made for us when Romie was alive. They made one for Pappy too. They were white bones and in the middle they had put a picture of each dog respectively and written their name with pink puffy paint on the top and bottom. My father in law mounted the frame on a metal rod and it has served as the perfect marker(with the help of a large see through plastic bag on the top of it.
The day we buried him, we decided that every Thanksgiving we would come out and visit him and change out his picture for the frame.
That is what we did today.
The ground has grown over nicely. If not for the marker you wouldn’t even know where to look.
Rob changed the photo and tried to keep things light, but my tears flowed anyway. Time has healed. I didn’t think it would at first. Last year I thought I would never stop crying. I thought that the dull ache in my chest would never subside, but it has. I still think of him often. The difference is that it no longer brings a stab of pain at the loss, but rather a smile at the memory of what a good, silly, stupid and funny dog he was.
We miss you, sweet Romie…and we always will.
About Me
I am a 50 something married woman living in California.
I enjoy music and traveling, watching crap movies, snuggling with my two adorable dogs and trying to be a good person.
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