I hesitate to even make this list because I don’t want people to read it and not find themselves on it and get butt hurt.  That’s not what this is about.  This is my blog, and my blog is what it always has been, a place for me to put my thoughts and memories so years from now I can look back and smile or cry or whatever.  If someone isn’t specifically mentioned in this blog, it doesn’t mean you haven’t touched my life in some significant way.  If I made THAT list, I’d be writing for DAYS!

While I don’t use the term best friend loosely, I have had several “best” friends in my life.  Whether I had actually referred to them as a best friend at the time or not, I have many friends that I consider my best friends.  Over the years, you tend to meet and connect with new people.  Some friends drift away, and that is okay.  These are some the people I’ve known over the years that I considered my very best friends at various times in my life.

Mags:

Mags and I circa 1996 or 7

I met Margaret in the 9th grade, and she sort of took me under her wing and introduced me into her group of friends.  High school being what it was, we didn’t always get along but she was always there ready to kick someone’s ass for me if I needed her to.  It wasn’t until we were in our early 20’s that we became true besties.
She and I were pretty much inseparable when I started dating her boyfriends best friend and later after both relationships failed we were even closer.  I was always at her house, and we spent every single weekend together getting into all kinds of trouble.  Time marched on; I moved away and we grew apart.  Sadly we don’t talk much but I treasure those days of carefree fun.

 Kimmy:

Kimmy and I 2008(wish I could find some pics of us in our prime)

Kimmy was part of my high school crew, but much like Mags and me, we didn’t get really close until after high school.  In our early 20’s Kim and I tore up the local bar scene and were known as the terrible twosome.  We led very different lives, but we fit together very well.  After she got pregnant and had her son Cody I babysat a lot when she had to work.  He was the apple of my eye, and I loved those days.
Our friendship has spanned many years, and we had a lot of good times and a couple bad ones.  Most friendships do.  We may not talk often, but when we do it’s like a day hasn’t gone by.

Jenn:

Jenn after she had moved to Florida and we lost touch.

Jennifer and I were in the same Jr High class, but we did not run in the same social circles.  She hung with a more popular crowd and I hid in the shadows, a shy wallflower girl.  We didn’t hit it off until I moved next door to her during our Jr year of high school.  She was attending high school at a different location than I but still lived in town.  We became fast friends because we didn’t really have anyone else at the time.  We were always together that year and into our Sr year after she came back to our high school.
Jenn was loud and outspoken, and I was quiet and shy.  It made for quite a complicated pair, but we worked.  She made a very strong impression in my life that wasn’t always good, but I always cared for her deeply.
Sadly, she is no longer with us, and I regret that we lost touch many years ago.  I doubt there was anything I could do to help her situation, but I will always wish I had kept in contact just to hear her crazy laugh and find out what her daughters were up to.  I miss you Jenn.

Tanya:

I met Tanya in a very round about way through Jennifer.  Jenn had dated Tanya’s brother Chuck very briefly before I had met her and introduced us one night at the Augusta fair.  At the time, Chuck was dating Tanya’s best friend Kandy, who he would later marry and have two children with.  All of this was unknown to me when I told Jenn that I thought Chuck was cute.  Apparently he had just had a fight with Kandy and thought this was a great opportunity to make her jealous.  We met at the fair three nights in a row and then he invited me to his house.  The details are fuzzy now but basically I met Tanya at the house, and she decided to see if I was the skanky whore she had thought I was when she first saw me or not.
The verdict thank goodness was that I was a good person and a friendship started strong.  Tanya and I would hang out for a couple months if I remember right, pretty much every day until we just didn’t.  I can’t remember what happened, but time grew us apart.
A phone call reunited us a short while later, and it was like no time passed.  After that, I would spend weeks at a time at Tanya’s apartment where she lived with her brother, his wife Kandy and their new baby.  We didn’t do much but watch movies and walk around downtown, but Tan and I were always together.
The friendship spanned many years, long after she moved back in with her mom and sister.  I just remember I was always over at Tanya’s house.  I “adopted” her little sister Naomi (for reals, there was a certificate on a paper plate and everything), and we were always hanging around together getting up to some sort of mischief.
Eventually, we would grow up and apart a bit and then I moved away.  We still keep in contact every so often and of course on Facebook.  She was  always a very good and loyal friend to me.  <3

MaryAnn:

I met Maryann when I was working at Fleet Bank.  I switched locations to the Civic Center branch, and she was the head teller there.  Eventually, the branch would dwindle down to just her and I as the only employees (with the occasional floater to fill in on heavy days).
She was loud and boisterous, and we hit it off like gangbusters.  She was older than me and was much wiser in many ways, so I looked up to her for advice.
We pretty much got paid to hang out together on weekdays and then chose to hang out some more on the weekends.  We lost touch when I moved to Arizona, and I miss her like crazy.  I recently found her on Facebook, but it doesn’t look like she ever uses it.  🙁

Brian:

When I first moved to Arizona, I knew no one other than Rob.  When I first started working I was put in the billing department of a call center and the first person they sat me with to train me was this scary looking dude with a mostly shaved head.  What hair he did have was only on top and it was sectioned into these tiny blue braids that went ever which way.
He went on to become my cubicle-mate and my best friend.  We had a lot of fun in the 8 hours we were stuck in that cube together.  We even created Brian and Kelly land where you had to wait behind a paperclip rope to be invited in.
He was my “maid” of honor at my wedding in 2000 but as usual when moving, we lost touch when I moved to California.

Renee:

Renee and I in our Elvis glasses in our hotel room in Vegas for my birthday 2008

Renee was one of my first friends in Arizona after Brian in the call center we all worked in.  I can’t remember why, but I thought she didn’t like me very much when we first met.  It turned out she would be one of my most treasured friends in this life.
She has the greatest heart and is one of the funniest people I know.
I don’t travel well with a lot of people, but she and I are perfect travel companions.  We’ve done Vegas more than once, and Reno and I have stayed with her while visiting Arizona as well.
Since moving we don’t speak as often as we’d like, and I know that happens.  But if you do get us on the phone, don’t plan on having us hang up anytime in the near future.  I have had marathon phone calls with this girl.  I wish we lived closer; she is always up for an adventure.  🙂

Denise AKA DD

DD and I in 2011 when I last visited AZ and stayed with her and her sister.

DD and I had the rare opportunity to work together twice.  We worked together in the Billing Dept of Arch Wireless in Arizona until the call center closed, and then were able to transition to a new call center for IKON office solutions right after in different departments.  It was very comforting to know someone in a sea of new faces.
DD is  easily one of the best people I know.  She would give you the shirt off her back and not think twice.  She is also one of the goofiest people I have ever met and will go to great lengths to make you smile when she knows you are down.  She is the level headed person you need to bounce something off of at one moment and the childlike jokester the next when things get too heavy.  I never wonder where I stand with her because there is no need to.  She is always open and giving and loving, but she will let you know when you piss her off.  : -)  She is a friend in the truest sense of the word.
We rarely talk since I’ve moved, but I know that I could call her up right now and say: “I’ll be there tomorrow.” And she would reply: “Come on over.” And it would be like a day hadn’t passed.

Shandee

Shandee and I backstage at “The Birdcage after she did my make up for fun.

I met Shandee when I got involved in a local theater company out here in California.  She was the make up artist at the time for the show we were putting up.  She was  easily the loudest and most obnoxious person I had ever met.  I was instantly intimidated.  Backstage she cracked a mean whip but would follow it with a loud cackle of a laugh that was hard not to fall in love with.
Over the next couple of productions we did together we got quite close, but it was when the theater put on a tribute to the movie The Birdcage, and I was tasked as helping her with makeup that we really bonded.  She is still loud and obnoxious but now so am I.
We fit very well together, and I love her dearly.  She recently moved to Boise so we don’t keep in touch like we used to, but she will always be a good friend to me.

Koly:

Koly and I after closing night of our latest production together in 2014

Koly is the owner of the theater company I just mentioned; that is how we met.   I tagged along to my husbands interview with Koly and her partner and boyfriend Lloyd for a guitarist in one of their productions in 2010.  As Rob excused himself to go to the bathroom at the end of the “interview” he mentioned to Koly that I liked to sing.  I swear I felt I could see the wheels turning in her head: “Great, so if I take the guitarist I have to take the wife?” but she told me to come in that following Tuesday to “audition”.  The audition consisted of running me through some vocal scales and then she asked if I wanted to be part of the ensemble.  I had no idea what that meant, but said yes.
I have since been involved in 9 going on 10 plays with this theater company, so I have to say it wasn’t a bad experience.  🙂
Koly and I bonded during the production of my 2nd play there where she was unexpectedly having me understudy the lead female role.  She took me shopping for costuming and then we had dinner and it started the first of many great conversations.  Koly has a way of asking you about yourself that doesn’t feel invasive, and before you know it you have poured out your whole life story, warts and all.  I never got to play the part I understudied for in that production, but a friendship was forged.
The first thing she told me when we started to get close was that she was a horrible friend.  She was self-centered, and she didn’t “do” needy.  While there is some truth to that statement, she has proven to me over and over that she CAN be a great friend and once she holds you in her heart she is fiercely loyal to you.
She of all things, is a great teacher.  And she has taught me so much about theater and myself in the four short years we have known each other.  She took a shy little wallflower of a girl and turned her into an obnoxious and brazen girl that people wish would now shut the f*ck up.  🙂  I blossomed under her tutelage and no one can ever take that away from me.
Our friendship ebbs and flows depending on if we are in production together and how busy we are, but there is  never a doubt in my mind that I could pick up the phone any day and pour out my heart to her, and she would be there to receive it.

Paula:

Paula and I in 2011 when she came out to cheer me on for my 2nd 1/2 marathon.

So if you have read this far you know that I am blessed to have had a lot of friends in my life that I love and have loved me back.  When I called them my best friends, I truly mean/meant it.  But there is one true BFF in my life.  There is no other way to explain why other than the fact that she and I share a brain.
I met Paula in 2005 after moving out to California and getting a new job here.  My first memory of her was at the first job interview that I went on.  It was in this tiny little office, in August that had no air conditioning, so they had all the windows open.  As I sat in a chair by the front door waiting for my interview, a noticed a yellow-jacket buzzing around my head.  Trying with all my might not to look like a spaz, I just kind of moved slightly to one side and hoped it would go away.
“Is that bee bothering you hon?”  A voice from across the room asked me.  I looked up to see a thin and pretty blonde looking at me.  I immediately judged her as bitchy and shallow based on her looks, but after I nodded she said: “Come on over here and sit by us.”   As I made my way over she introduced herself as Paula and also introduced a couple other employees.
After the interview was over, I didn’t think much about it other than the fact that I really wanted the job.  A few weeks later I got the call that they wanted me, and I started work there.  I had little interaction with Paula until we moved into a new building a couple months later, and we were to be office-mates.
I can’t pinpoint exactly when we realized we shared a brain, but there are just too many stories to share when we finish each others sentences, or bring up something that the other person was thinking but didn’t voice.  We have similar backgrounds, and we think the same way.  I’ve never met anyone I’ve felt so close to as a sister.  I honestly think that I could have had a twin sister growing up and spend my whole life with and I wouldn’t feel as connected with her as I do Paula.
We have known each other almost 9 years now and like every friendship we have our ups and downs, but I know for a fact that she and I are soul sisters and will be friends until the day we die.    I call her Irene and she calls me Alice based on this video that just went viral:

That’s going to be us at that age.  I can’t imagine my life without her in it.

So turning 40 is a thing that is happening remarkably soon, and I have a very big decision to make because of that.

Am I going to be the 40 year old that embraces growing old wholeheartedly and shouts from the rooftops how proud I am to be 40 and how I’ve earned every one of these grey hairs and blah, blah, blah.  OR, am I going to be that 40 year old that shuns getting older and starts to count her birthdays backwards?

Both can be equally annoying; I’m sure.

40 seemed so old when I was in my 20’s.  It honestly didn’t seem like something that I would need to worry about.  Not that I thought I wouldn’t make it 40…it just seemed like I would be young forever.  Funny thing about youth, time passes very slowly, and you think you have all the time in the world.  The older you get, the faster it seems to go, and it feels like it starts to get away from you.

As the years have passed, and the wrinkles appeared, I did pretty much stay in a constant state of denial.  The greys got plucked out as soon as they appeared, and the wrinkles got Photoshopped out of every picture before it was posted to social media.  Voila, I’m 28 again!

Lately, the greys are coming faster than I can yank them out.  Oh, and by the way WTF is up with the grey eyebrow hairs??  Really?  Not only am I losing my eyebrows but now the ones that are left are going to come in grey??  Hmph!  The wrinkles?  Well, they are getting so deep that Photoshop just makes darker fuzzy lines when I try to fix them.

I always thought I would be the type to grow old gracefully, but then again I never thought I would have to worry about it.  I was told time and time again when I was younger that when I got older I would appreciate my “baby face”.  Every time I got annoyed at being carded for cigarettes in my 20’s they said I would wish for that when I got older.  At the time, I rolled my eyes…now, not so much.

Oh and just to go off on a minor rant, if I’m going to get wrinkles can I at least get rid of the acne??  I have more zits at 39 than I ever had as a teenager.  Isn’t there supposed to be some sort of trade off??

Anyhoo, I don’t think I’ll rule out plastic surgery in my future.  I don’t think I’d do an actual face lift, but at this stage in the game laser treatments and chemical peels don’t sound too bad.

So what I have learned about myself as I have gotten older is that yes, I am vain.  I like to look good.  It depresses me a little when I realize that I can’t just go barefaced and flash a smile and get the same results as I did when I was 20.  And furthermore, when I was 20 and didn’t think I was attractive I was fooling myself.  I look back at pictures now and realize I was a very pretty girl.  It’s a shame I never fully realized it.  Or was it more of a blessing?

I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore.

So I turn 40 in 47 days.  Should I celebrate or hide under the covers in my bed until it passes?

I guess if this is the worst of the problems I have in my life, I’m doing pretty good.  😀

The latest Paper Wing production that I have been proud to be a part of came to an end tonight.  O Brother Where Art Thou: A Musical Tribute closed tonight to a sold out and very enthusiastic audience.

Every show must end a run.  Sometimes it is a relief, sometimes it is very sad.  Sometimes it’s a mix of both.

This show was one of my favorites.  The fact that I got to do a show with my husband again was huge.  The fact that we both enjoyed the experience together was even bigger.

The first time I did this show it was 2011, and it was my second show.  I was still pretty shy and scared, but I was learning the ropes but had such a great experience with the cast and crew.  This time around it was much more relaxed for me.  I only had three scenes, and they didn’t start until the second act so there was no running around or quick changes.  It was just a lot of hanging out backstage and having fun.  The fact that my role was small yet sassy meant I got to enjoy a shorter rehearsal time(I didn’t have to do any singing on this one, so I didn’t come in until the blocking started) and fewer lines while still getting to deliver some pretty funny dialogue.  Kinda my dream role.  🙂

The cast and crew were amazing; I got to work with some of my favorite people and meet some awesome new ones.

After most every show, I go through a depression.  The length and severity vary given how attached I grew and how much fun I had.  I usually don’t even realize the end of the show is the reason behind my depression until Rob points it out to me.  I’m hoping that I have so many happy memories with me for this one that it will balance out the depression, but only time will tell.

I have no other shows lined up for this year, and much like my role of Roz in 9 to 5, I think this was a good show to go out with before a long break.  It was fun, but now it’s time to hunker down and focus on the 1/2 marathon in November.

So last night we ventured down the casino one more time in search of food. We ordered some take out from the Mexican place they have here and then gambled on a couple of machines for a while. No big wins but so far we are only down 25.00 in gambling for the trip thus far.
We got our food and came back up to the room and then same as last night we ate and watched TV and went to bed.

This morning we got up and hit the breakfast buffet-actually getting it for free this time. We hit it around 10:00 and it was fairly crowded. By the time we left it was getting deserted so we figured everyone ran in to have breakfast before check out time, given that it’s Sunday.

Rob’s Breakfast

My Breakfast

After we stuffed ourselves we walked over to the mini golf and plunked down our six dollars each for a round. My first hole I actually got a hole in one! Since I never play I was pretty excited. In the end Rob won by two strokes but I did get a second hole in one on the 16th hole.

Hole in one bitches!!!!

After we were done with golf we wandered over to the go cart racing area and raced. There wasn’t a crowd so it was just Rob and I on the track but it was really fun. And my arms are going to be soooo sore tomorrow.

They take their racing seriously!

When we were done we headed back to the hotel room and ran through our options of what we wanted to do with the rest of the day. Rob had mentioned that there was a huge sporting goods store a few miles away that had a Ferris wheel in the middle of it and that he’d like to see that so we headed down to the car and took off.
The place really was huge, and while we weren’t really in the market for sporting goods it had some really cool exhibits. We ended up taking more pictures there than we have the whole trip.

Welcome to Sheels!

What does the fox say??

The archway at the entrance was a giant fish tank.

Quite the catch!

On the way home we stopped at TJ Maxx and I got a darling sweater, driving gloves, hat and scarf combo, lip gloss and new head phones all for under 50.00. I love clearance!
Now we are back up in the room and are relaxing a bit. Our plans for the night are to go bowling and play some more gamble. While I was at TJ Maxx Rob hit up Target and got us some salads for dinner tonight. Cheap and light…I thought it was a good idea since we are hitting up another free breakfast buffet in the morning.

That’s all for now.

So I’ve discussed in here before that my dogs don’t usually have gas or any time of stomach issues.  Shilo had a bout of liqui-shits that lasted a couple of days and has been heard only twice letting out a fart.  They just don’t usually have issues.

Last night I was sitting on the couch after work while Rob was cooking dinner in the kitchen and Shilo was sitting next to me as usual, curled up thisclosetome.  All of a sudden her stomach let out a small gurgle, followed my a larger gurgle and then and even bigger gurgle.  Each time this happened she just looked up at me as if to say: “What the hell was that Mother?”  After that it would gurgle almost every 60 seconds.  I finally laid her on her back and put my hand on her tummy, and you could feel the gas just moving around in there.  Poor thing.  We watched her for a while she didn’t appear to be in any discomfort.  Rob threw the ball to her, and she chased it as usual.

I did take her out even though she had made a poop when we first got home and she did have a very loose one.  After that her tummy settled down, and we didn’t think anything about it.

Earlier today my husband emailed me that he didn’t feel very well.  Like his stomach was all full of gas, and he just felt crummy.  He came home around four and took a nap.

After work, I headed out to Hula’s to meet up with my friend Jourdain who I haven’t seen since 9 to 5 wrapped, and we had a delightful dinner.  I had some sort of weird allergic reaction to the fish that I ordered when my tongue tingled and then got these swollen spots all over it, but other than that I was fine.

After dinner, we crashed a rehearsal at Paper Wing and then I headed home.

Rob was still in bed when I got home, so I headed to the bathroom to pee and got caught up reading a magazine.  As I was reading my stomach started to make all these gurgling noises and before I knew it I was having a pretty severe case of the runs.

That brings us to now.  I feel fine, but I can tell there is going to be another trip to the bathroom at some point.  Rob appears to feel better after napping and Shilo seems to have made a full recovery.

So I’m hoping it was just the mildest flu bug ever to run through the Machado household, and the worst is already in the past.

January started out with a bang when I landed the role of Roz Keith in 9 to 5 The Musical.  This would be my first and only show where I got to sing a solo.  I was stoked, but terrified.  It was also the month that Avenue Q closed and I was very sad to see it go.  That was one fun show, one where I conquered many fears including my fear of heights.

In February I came down with a pretty bad sinus infection that lasted forever and rehearsals started for 9 to 5…I once again was reminded how uncoordinated I am at dancing.  We had house guests for the first time in forever as a band that Rob had played a gig with prior stayed the night on their way to start a tour.

March was a pretty huge milestone month for me as it was the month that I quit smoking.  Yes, I have quit before but this time it stuck.  This was the first time where I wasn’t smoking socially or sneaking the occasional drag off a friends cig.  I even went the whole trip in Vegas without a smoke.  I don’t think that has ever happened before.  For some reason a switch was flipped within me and I was just done.
Also that month Rob did another burlesque show, we had a weekend sleepover with the dogs at Rudy and Jade’s house and a pigeon flew into a 9 to 5 rehearsal…it was a thing.

In April 9 to 5 opened and I was amazed at the fact that I didn’t choke doing my first solo.  The audience at it up.  Despite that, depression began to creep in that month and I’m afraid that it lasted or quite a while.  As did a cold that I managed to pick up after opening weekend.   Also The Paper Wing Fairy was born during a shopping trip with Koly.

May found me in a panic as I managed to forget to bring my costumes to closing weekend of 9 to 5 and didn’t discover it until a half an hour to curtain.  I was and will always be forever grateful to Marjory who sprang into action and found replacement pieces for me to wear with just minutes to spare and to my cast mates for rallying around me when I started to have a meltdown.   I also had a great 39th birthday dinner with my inlaws and attended a really fun birthday party for Michaelle’s boys at Toro Park.

June started out pretty awesome with a girls day with my bestie Paula and got better with a couple of theater dates to see some new shows.  There was a whole fiasco when a turtle was found in our backyard that ended up with him being released back into the wild(my bad George, I mistakenly thought you were a pet).  I got to have a weekend to myself when Rob went camping at the Weckers house and got some kick ass sockmonkey earrings from Heather.  Had a Joss Whedon geekfest with two other fans seeing Much Ado About Nothing and got one hell of a sunburn having a doggie date with Natalie.  Boy, June was busy!

In July things slowed down a bit, my depression started to lessen ironically as I started to ween myself off of my anti depressant meds.  Attended a BBQ at Rob’s friends house and hung out later that month in Santa Cruz while they played for the Wharf to Wharf race.  I also got to meet the Hanner zombie baby.  🙂

August began with seeing a great performance of Macbeth and then a fantastic girls day with my bestie.  That was quickly followed by a weekend to myself in Gilroy where I conquered a fear of driving on the freeway by myself.  Rob and I celebrated our13th anniversary and then jetted off to Maine to visit with my family and friends.

September found us still in Maine eating tons of fried foods and doing lots of tourist things.  Once we got home I became obsessed with making whoopie pies and we attended Jay’s annual pirate party.  Rob got busy rehearsing for Rocky Horror and I became obsessed with Sons of Anarchy.  Shandee came back for a visit and Jenn had her baby shower.

In October we started to have some internet issues and Rocky Horror opened.  I became obsessed with making crackers from scratch and was honored to help a friend get ready for her vow renewal with her husband.  Had a super date night with Lucy, Chris and Angie to see my hubs rock it at Rocky Horror and went back to see the show solo for their midnight Halloween show.

November started with a power outage straight out of a horror movie, but got much better when my husband built me a bass and had it painted in a Sunflower theme.  Had a very cool date with Landess to see Pontypool and began a very nice and relaxing vacation to Vegas.  On said trip I got the pink panels in my hair I have wanted for so long and we went go cart racing for the first time.  Celebrated the 14 year anniversary of our engagement as well as Thanksgiving.

In December I gave up on all the lame excuses that kept me immobile this year and signed back up for the Vegas 1/2 marathon.  Rob and I saw Bob’s Holiday Office Party and laughed our asses off and then had a fantastic Casino Night themed Christmas party for his work.  Had a great holiday party at my own work and was really grateful for the friends that I had.  Accidentally cracked the screen on my laptop but was thankful to receive an old spare one from my father in law to solve my problem.

I have lots of resolutions for the new year.  I don’t usually do them, but this year I really want to start improving myself.  40 years old is rapidly approaching and I am not where I thought I would be in my life.  Not necessarily in a bad way but still…not how I pictured myself.  I want to be healthier.  I want to fight my depression.  I want to keep a cleaner house…all these things fall under the category of self improvement and I need to get on it.

So I’ve been flirting writing with this blog for a little bit now.  It’s something that has been irritating me a lot lately and that is people trying to make other people feel guilty because their lives are going well due to their life choices.  Maybe it’s PMS that is helping me write it now.

An example is something that we deal with every day from customers at work that live on the east coast or another snowy, cold location.  They call in and after they complete whatever they called in for they ask how the weather is out in California.  They DO NOT care what the weather is like out in “sunny California”, they simply want to use that as a springboard to tell you how MISERABLE the weather has been where they live.  And if you so much as dare to tell them that it has been a little “chilly” lately they will scoff and tell you “don’t know cold” because they are expecting snow and or *insert-put-you-in-your-place-reply-here*.

Guess what sir?  I lived my first 25 years on this planet in the cold and snow in Maine.  I shoveled snow and drove in hail and freezing rain and I HATED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!  So guess what I did?  I fucking moved!  Everyone has a choice and I chose to move to a warmer climate, so try and remember that when you want to one up me on how much you are suffering.

It’s not a fucking competition!  I don’t understand why everyone wants to make it one!

Recently Rob and I paid off our credit cards.  In Arizona we used our credit cards to pay for things we didn’t need, like trips to Vegas – I’ll own that.  But when we moved to California and both took a pay cut, those credit cards quickly became a means to survive.  Years and many pay raises later, we were able to start paying large amounts on the principles of those credit cards and that led to the eventual paying off of the balances.  Once that happened we found ourselves with a small abundance of cash flow freed up and decided to start saving for new things.  So far I have a new Ipad, Rob a new computer and we had a nice little trip to Vegas.  We also have enough saved up already to buy a well deserved new mattress.  The one we have is older than our marriage and the reason for many crooked necks and backs.

Now to be fair a lot of people have given praise for us being able to do this and that is cool, but I don’t need or expect your praise.  But what I ALSO don’t need is your guilt trip about how you are poor and I am buying semi expensive things.  I’ve done my time.  And yes, I am fully aware that part of the reason we are no longer in credit card debt is the fact that we have no children.  But guess what, we didn’t want any!  So go cluck your tongue at the fact that you have to buy diapers somewhere else!  We made a choice just as you did.  I’m sorry that you are in debt right now because you have kids.  Someday they will grow up and support you but you don’t see me guilting you about that fact that we don’t have anyone to take care of us when we are old do you?  I also don’t guilt you about all the love and milestone moments you receive that we do not.  Sometimes I wish I had that too but in the long run I know that wasn’t for me…but you will never hear me bitching about it to you!

I guess what I’m trying to say is maybe you should stop and think about the other persons situation before you pass judgement or talk shit behind their back.   Does it make you feel better about your own situation to make another person feel bad about their achievements that they have worked for in life?  If it does, maybe you need to just sit back and think about what that means…

What am I thankful for this year?

I guess a lot of things.  I’m thankful as always for my loving husband and our precious dogs.

I’m thankful for a great long trip home to Maine earlier this year.  Though it had it’s frustrating moments I got to do most everything I wanted to and had the longest visit I’d had with my mom in a long time.  In the same vein, I’m grateful that while my mother’s health isn’t perfect, she is doing much better than she had been in the past.

I’m thankful that I married into a very loving and caring family.  My in laws are some really great people and I just adore them.  I hear a lot of horror stories fly around about in laws and how horrible they can be but I’ve never had an issue.  I think that if I actually sat down and dreamed up the perfect in laws, my actual in laws would surpass them in terms of awesomeness.

I’m grateful for that I am employed and actually get paid pretty well for what I do.  While I get frustrated at times when my callers aren’t the nicest, I really enjoy the people I work with and the sweet customers make it worthwhile.

I’m extremely thankful for the great health insurance that my husband’s work provides.   Especially with what I see other people going through right now, I am really pleased that Rob works for a company that can provide for their employees the the best of their abilities and really go the extra mile to see that they and their families are cared for in the best way possible.  It is rare in this day and age.

I am over the moon with gratitude for paying of our credit cards this year.  It was a long hard struggle and it literally paid off.  There were years where we had to use the credit cards to survive and to no longer be a slave to that AND to have more money in our savings because we no longer have to pay off the balances is amazing.

I’m glad for a successful Vegas trip this year in that we didn’t lose our shirts, had the perfect amount of downtime and on the go time and we had a lot of fun.

I’m grateful that I found the desire and willpower to quit smoking this year.   8 months ago in fact.  This is the first time that I have quit smoking where I didn’t resort to smoking socially.  The only trip I’ve ever taken to Vegas where I didn’t smoke and the first play I did a full run of other than Repo where I was more disciplined because Rob was in it with me, where I didn’t smoke while at the theater.  It’s also the first time that I have quit that I feel like I’m really DONE with it.

I’m thankful for my friends.  I have a lot of acquaintances and a few really close friends.  My close friends know me inside and out and are talked to on an almost daily basis.  That is not to discredit my other friends with whom I can have amazing fun and fantastic conversations with even though we don’t speak on a regular basis anymore.  I’ve been missing  a lot of those friendships lately, but I’m glad that they existed and will hopefully always be around.

I’m forever thankful to have theater as an outlet but am also glad to have free time on my hands.  When I first started theater I jumped in with both feet and did back to back shows for a year.  I burned myself out and made myself depressed and miserable.  I’m happy that I have found a balance between my home life and my theater life that seems to be working to give me the stage fix I so desire but the boring home life that I love.

I’m sure there is tons more that I’m thankful for but I’m going to close until next year.